Have you ever been told that your recollection of events is incorrect or that your feelings are invalid? Has someone ever made you question your understanding of reality? If so, you might have experienced gaslighting.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting, as defined by the American Psychological Association, refers to the manipulation of another person into doubting their own perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events. Initially, the term described a form of manipulation so extreme that it could induce mental illness or justify the institutionalization of the victim. However, its use has evolved, and since the 2010s, “gaslighting” has gained widespread recognition, particularly in social media and mainstream discussions. Today, it is used not only to describe personal emotional abuse but also as a critique of political and social discourse.
The term originates from the 1938 British play Gas Light and its subsequent film adaptations, which depict a husband manipulating his wife into questioning her sanity by subtly altering their environment—such as dimming the gaslights—and then denying any changes. This portrayal captures the essence of gaslighting: a manipulative distortion of reality that traps victims into a cycle of confusion and self-doubt.
Gaslighting tactics can involve denying previous actions, presenting false information, or invalidating the victim’s emotions. These actions gradually erode the victim’s self-trust and confidence, ultimately fostering a dependence on the gaslighter, as the victim begins to rely on them to define what is true and acceptable.
The psychological toll of gaslighting
Gaslighting can have devastating emotional and psychological consequences. Victims often struggle with profound self-doubt, questioning their thoughts, memories, and decisions. This uncertainty can lead to anxiety and depression, as the persistent undermining of their reality creates a state of chronic stress.
Isolation is another hallmark of gaslighting. Gaslighters frequently cut victims off from friends, family, or colleagues who might validate their experiences. This isolation intensifies dependency, making the victim more vulnerable to manipulation. Ultimately, the gaslighter becomes the victim’s sole reference point for truth and reality, further entrenching their control.
How to recognize gaslighting
Gaslighting manifests in various ways, often tailored to the context or relationship. Common tactics include:
- Challenging your memory: Gaslighters may insist that events didn’t happen as you recall, subtly casting doubt on your perception.
- Denial of reality: They might outright deny actions or statements, claiming, “I never said that,” even when evidence suggests otherwise.
- Trivializing your concerns: Gaslighters often dismiss your emotions or reactions as irrational or exaggerated, making you feel overly sensitive.
- Deflecting and shifting blame: Rather than addressing issues, they redirect the focus to your supposed flaws, making you the problem instead of their behavior.
These strategies are designed to disorient and destabilize, leaving victims questioning not only specific incidents but their broader understanding of reality.
Gaslighting in the workplace
Gaslighting thrives in workplaces with power imbalances, where employees feel too powerless to challenge their superiors. A lack of transparent communication only exacerbates the issue, as unclear expectations or selective feedback allow those in authority to twist the narrative. In toxic work environments, competition and mistrust can make gaslighting even more common, as employees may endure manipulation without speaking up for fear of the consequences. Without psychological safety, bystanders may remain silent, enabling the gaslighter to continue unchecked.
While gaslighting is often discussed in personal relationships, it is increasingly recognized as a serious workplace issue. In professional settings, gaslighting can damage mental health, hinder productivity, and stall career progression. For instance, a manager might deny giving specific instructions when a task goes awry, subtly shifting the blame onto a subordinate.
Colleagues may rewrite events to paint themselves in a better light, casting doubt on your contributions. Gaslighting can also diminish achievements, with a manipulative coworker attributing your success to luck or external factors, undermining your confidence.
This behavior can occur at any level of the workplace hierarchy. Senior employees may exploit their authority to manipulate subordinates, but the reverse is also possible—less experienced employees may gaslight their managers, blaming unclear instructions or lack of support for failures, deflecting accountability for their own mistakes.
Escaping the grip of gaslighting in the workplace
If you find yourself a victim of gaslighting, there are ways to reclaim your sense of reality and regain control of the situation.
#1 Trust in your senses
The first step is recognizing the patterns of manipulation. By identifying the behaviors that undermine your perception, you can begin to distinguish between genuine misunderstandings and deliberate distortion.
#2 Documentation and keeping proofs
Documenting interactions is another essential step. Keeping a written record of conversations, instructions, or agreements—such as saving emails or taking detailed notes—can provide a factual basis if disputes arise.
#3 Talk to people you trust
Maintaining transparency throughout your interactions is also helpful. Regularly checking in with colleagues, managers, or peers about progress or expectations ensures clarity and accountability. When possible, involve a third party in critical conversations or use formal channels for communication to establish a clear record of events.
Equally important is seeking external validation. Confiding in a trusted friend, colleague, or mentor can provide a valuable perspective, helping you navigate situations with greater confidence and clarity. This support network can counteract the self-doubt that gaslighting creates, empowering you to stand firm in your understanding of reality.
#4 Keep calm and carry on
Above all, strive to remain calm and composed when engaging with a gaslighter. Emotional reactions often play directly into their tactics, reinforcing their control and further destabilizing you. Instead, focus on facts and maintain a professional demeanor to avoid falling into their traps and to preserve your own sense of stability.
#5 Don’t let anyone hurt you
Finally, as Robin Stern, American psychoanalyst at Yale University and author of The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life, advises:
You should never listen to criticism that is primarily intended to wound, even if it contains more than a grain of truth.
Gaslighters often use criticism to undermine your confidence and distort your sense of reality. Protect yourself by filtering out malicious remarks and remembering that your self-worth is not determined by their manipulation.
Looking forward
Gaslighting is a manipulative practice that distorts reality and undermines confidence, often leaving victims feeling lost and vulnerable. Whether it occurs in personal relationships or professional settings, recognizing its signs is the first step toward breaking free. By documenting interactions, seeking support, and remaining composed, you can counter this harmful behavior and regain your sense of self.
No one should have to endure the psychological toll of gaslighting. By understanding its dynamics and implementing strategies to resist it, you can protect your mental well-being and reclaim your voice in any environment.
