The effective business leader knows how to encourage an environment that supports people in their personal and professional development. This requires the efficient handling of potential conflicts to prevent toxic work environments, which, in its turn, requires leaders to escape their own drama and personal stories. But how can leaders escape their own biases and self-imposed limitations?
Most organizations spend a significant amount of time in drama. Drama is characterized by blame, wanting to be right, toxic fear, and adrenaline. The Conscious Leadership Group says that, like good dramas in the movies, all drama has characters that play certain roles under the “Drama Triangle”.
What is the Drama Triangle?
First described by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, the concept describes a model of dysfunctional social interactions in a power game that involves three roles: a victim, a villain, and a hero. Like in a movie drama, each role represents a specific response to conflict, as we consciously or unconsciously choose one role in each context. This means that most of us learned how to be in relationship to ourselves, to each other and to the world around us, by being in one of three roles:
·Victim: Victims are typically those who show no intention to claim responsibility or make decisions while seeing themselves as powerless or incompetent. They usually give up what they want and blame the Villain while seeking for the Hero to solve their problems. Every role in the drama triangle is a form of victim consciousness and, in the end, everyone is trying to prove that they are the biggest victim.
· Villain: The villain in the Drama Triangle is the paternalistic figure that usually blames and criticizes the behavior of both the other sides and themselves. It is like parents who control, assign responsibility and set limits. It is not necessary that a Villain is a person; it can be any situation that makes the Victim feel powerless.
· Hero: Hero typically takes the role of intermediary between the Victim and the Villain. They devote their time and energy to helping the Victims and feel guilty if they do not manage to. The main role of the Hero is to seek temporary relief. The hero seeks value by feeling needed by others. Despite good intentions, it is not necessary that they help alleviate the drama situation.
Escaping the Drama Triangle
It is possible that the assignment of the aforementioned “roles” is at normal doses and serves each person’s needs. However, if the triangular relationship results in conflicts, it can turn toxic for those involved, which may reflect the need to escape the triangle. How can leaders escape the Drama Triangle?
-Learn to recognize it
The first step to escaping the Drama Triangle is to comprehend it and learn to recognize the role you are playing in each context. Then, you can be mindful enough to prevent yourself from taking any of the three roles, as well as do something to change it.
-The power of Non-Violence Communication (NVC)
Communication is the A and Z of any working relationship. The concept of NCV describes a model where people communicate with openness and empathy, instead of blaming one another. This encourages an environment of psychological safety, where people share their thoughts honestly and where conflicts are less likely to arise.
Non-Violence Communication (NVC) is about connecting with ourselves and others from the heart. It’s about seeing the humanity in all of us. It’s about recognizing our commonalities and differences and finding ways to make life wonderful for all of us,
…the Center for Nonviolent Communication explains.
-Adopt the Empowerment Triangle
One of the most effective ways to escape the Drama Triangle is The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) model introduced by David Emerald Womeldorff, Creator-in-Chief of the Center for The Empowerment Dynamic. In his book “The Power of TED”, he describes a model which is shifting the roles from the Victim, Villain, and Hero to the Creator, Challenger, and Coach.
TED is the only framework endorsed by Dr. Stephen Karpman as a valid positive alternative to the Drama Triangle. In contrast to the toxicity arising from the Drama Triangle, the TED model encourages “an empowered and resourceful way of thinking, relating, and living that increases our ability to create outcomes and to make choices—whatever our circumstances,” explains Womeldorff.
· Creator: In efficient teamwork settings, the Victim becomes the Creator. Unlike the Victims, the Creators know they can choose their response to life’s challenges and take generative action. The main difference of the Creator with the Victim is that the first welcomes the feelings of fear as an opportunity for growth.
· Challenger: This is the positive alternative to the Villain. But instead of putting blame and criticizing, the Challengers bring positive pressure and tend to focus on encouraging growth and learning despite the potential difficult conditions.
· Coach: This role is a positive alternative to the Hero. But unlike the Hero, who unintentionally enhances the powerlessness of the Victim, a Coach uses effective listening to support others in maintaining resilience. The Coach won’t try to “fix” anyone as they see others as empowered entities.
It should be noted that shifting from the Drama Triangle roles cannot happen overnight, but it requires a huge amount of effort, especially for those who find themselves assigned to one particular role for a long time.
