How do you disagree with a leader?

Being in the same room with a person for a minimum of 8 hours per day and putting constant energy for the best possible outcome makes the possibility of conflicts inevitable. And if a conflict with your teammate is a manageable task, things can get a bit more complicated if you disagree with a superior as humans naturally tend to shy away from disagreeing with a superior. But a disagreement with your boss requires delicate handling if you want to ensure the fine balance of being firm about your opinion and truthful to your beliefs while acknowledging your superior’s authority.

When you think of disagreeing with someone more powerful than you, such as your senior at work, you are thinking of all the negative implications that this could bring, such as being perceived as a “difficult” and demanding employee or even worse, getting fired.

However, it is shown that being consistent with your beliefs and speaking up your mind is a way to establish respect from your colleagues. But what is the best way to express these beliefs? Amy Gallo, speaker, coach and author of the book “Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)”, advises that when sharing a contrary opinion, you need to decide:

• When and where to share it

-Wait to share your disagreement: This will give you time to know all the facts and understand the full picture, while finding other colleagues who share the same opinion and can help boost your case.

-Watch out the setting: Sharing a disagreement with your boss in front of everyone may be riskier than sharing it in a more private setting.

-Establish relationships: The best way to handle a crisis is to be prepared for the crisis beforehand. Similarly, the best way to manage a disagreement is to have reached an adequate level of relationship with the other person even before a potential conflict arises. A productive way is to lay the ground beforehand. For example, if you have asked your colleague how he/she would like you to handle a disagreement, this can be very helpful when the actual crisis comes.

• What to say

-Ask permission to disagree: it may sound silly but saying things like “Is it okay if I lay out my reasoning?” is a strategic move that puts the other person in an inner moral obligation to listen. It also establishes a feeling of control for the senior person.

-Connect the ideas to the team goal: Linking your argument to e.g., quarterly earnings, shows that the ideas shared are in the organization’s best interest rather than your need to have it your way.

• How to say it

-Stay calm: It is not always easy, but neutrality is always a good idea when there is the possibility of tension. Anxious body language may show that you lack confidence on your idea and lead others to misinterpret your message. How can you remain calm? Breathing is always the A and Z.

-Be humble: When expressing a different opinion, you should show your colleagues or seniors that what you express is just your opinion and not a universal truth. Presenting your argument in a humble way and asking for feedback leaves room for dialogue.

-Stay neutral: Sharing only facts rather than subjective interpretations is the best way to maintain control when in tension. State your case without using a single adjective is an interesting experiment that Gallo suggests.

-Keep respect: Sharing statements like “I know that the final call here is on you” is showing that you know where you stand and can save your team valuable time and energy.